Life is a shelter is weird. Let's face it - not a single person who calls this their current address is here because they are in a great place in their life. People are stressed, emotional, breaking down and rebuilding parts of themselves and their lives. The rules ask you to be on your best behaviour at your worst point. They ask you to live communally with people who you have never met, and to be cared for in some ways like a child. They are not rules you had input in making and yet you have no choice but to abide because where else would you go and be sure you were safe and would remain so.
When you first come in they ask about your social supports- friends, family, people who can help you emotionally, who can listen. Them they ask you not to tell them too much - maybe not your exact location, definately not about anyone you meet here. Please, they say, use your support network to get you through this difficult time. Then they show you the rules - no men (makes sense, everyone here has safety concerns, presumably most are in heterosexual relationships statistically), no visitors even female ones, no using technology in 95% of the building. In case someone else's safety or location is compromised, everything here is confidential.
The thing is? The address here is posted online, the website doesnt hesitate to tell you what this building is. The fundraising and out reach that lets women know safety is available reaches the ears of all. Here safety is really about policies and procedures, cameras that monitor, staff that are trained and a close relationship with the authorities who can intervene within the confines of the law. The rules that protect also restrict. For how can one access a social network of support without the ability to freely reach out to them?
Please dont misunderstand, I dont take an issue with the rules. The reasons for them are real and valid and they serve to protect so many under this roof. But what one hand giveth, the other taketh away, for the unintended consequences are that of indirect isolation. Here lives the double edged sword in which to right answer that upholds both safety and socialization can exist.
This is how he continues to take from me. For even today I faced threats to our security from him. For even today the reasons why we live here were once again proven. We tasted fear, felt the strength of validation, and wondered yet again of the set of circumstances and twists of fate that led to this journey.
Comments
Post a Comment